The Not "Quite" Skinny Enough, Pretty Enough, Talented Enough Actress.

My Last Blog Post!

 

My Dearest 1’s of Readers!

The time has come for me to put an end to this blog! Not because people don’t really blog anymore (but do they? I don’t think so,) and not because I have nothing to say! But because this blog, by name, has become a self fulfilling prophecy!

About 3 years ago I took an aerial silks class for fun. I was terrible at it. Had no strength. Could not even wrap my hands around the silks. I don’t know why, but I kept at it taking classes once a week. Back in November I decided to quit my gym, sell my soul to the devil, and pay a ton of money to take unlimited aerial classes (including hoop, contortion, silks, and pole.)

I have no idea why I am driven to do this, but the thought of quitting at this point makes me want to projectile vomit all over myself. In the meantime, I’ve been noticing improvements. I’m obviously stronger, have lost a little weight, and can do more moves…..but sometimes in class or when I practice, that little voice….which also happen’s to be the same voice of this blog…creeps inside and says: “Laurie, this is it, you’re not going to get better than this! You are too fat, old, and untalented to succeed at this art form.”

By ending this blog I’m hoping to shut at least part of the voice down. Even if its right…why enable the mother fucker?

1’s of readers….even as I write this I feel a little bit free-er! Thank you for following me on this portion of my journey. Next stop….Success?

Much Love,

Laurie

 

Top 20 Tour Accomplishments!

I just came back from 3 months of tour 4 days ago and I’ve been too jet lagged and busy to write about it until now. Finally my body and schedule let me sleep for 12 hours and I can THINK again!

 While most members of my tour were out of town for a year, and I just happened to be a replacement on the last leg….3 months is a long time when you have a fiancé, an apartment, work, and a wedding to plan for at home. 

 So, I came up with a list of my top 20 accomplishments on tour that made each second of putting my life at home on hold worth it!

 1. Learned an entire show within 10 days! Good for this old brain!

2. Danced in high energy/high stamina show….and actually developed said stamina to do it without dying on stage/barfing.

3. Watched the entire Daredevil season 1.

4. Watched over 20 seasons of Survivor on Amazon Prime.

5. Spent a month in Hawaii! (which also allowed me to accomplish another dream which is to have Asian influenced food every single day for a month.)

6.  Read 12 full length books.

7. Got a lot of sleep. I love sleep.

8. Got to see some of my best friends in the world in Los Angeles and Anaheim CA, plus Scottsdale AZ! Jeffrey, Marilyn, Emily, Jestina, Jamie, Tina, Daphna, and super long lost friend Ellen!

9. Was a part of Daphna’s daughter Olivia’s very first theatrical experience.

10. Was able to be part of the casting process for Jeffrey’s new movie.

11. Spent an amazing day in Stockton, CA (of all places) with my cousins!

12. Walked the Vegas strip and saw my all time favorite Vegas show: Jubilee.

13. Got to see my main girl Kelly in Seattle, WA!

14. Salt and Straw Ice Cream….Portland, OR….nough said!

15. Went crazy in Reno!!! Who even goes to Reno anymore?

16. Was able to take aerial silks in both Portland, OR and Honolulu HI!

17. Had time to come up with my wedding invitation list.

18. WENT TO DISNEYLAND!!!!!

19. Made some amazing tour friends that I hopefully will stay in touch with forever.

20. LOST 3 POUNDS! (The reason this accomplishment is so huge is because I was probably eating 5,000 calories a day!)

 

Bad Teacher

The other day, a friend and myself were discussing dance classes and he said something that rang true to me: NYC is a bad place to learn how to dance as an adult! You know what....he's 100% right! I've been taking dance classes on and off over the past 15 years here and there are very few teachers that do much more than teach a dance combination, show an exercise, or have the star student demonstrate a move. Here's the thing, if you are an advanced student....you probably have all your technique DOWN and are just studying dance to stay strong and learn new choreography. If you are a beginner/intermediate dancer and your technique is not fixed....you are gonna grow more slowly. I've been very turned off lately by the bigger NYC dance schools (I will not be naming names but most dancers probably know which places I am referring to) because even though some of the teachers are really nice and teach some great choreography....they do not help a single student in their class. (This is a generalization.) When I take these classes I feel worthless! Stuck in the back, overwhelmed, with no one to help me with the steps I'm having problems with or the moves I cannot do because I'm not getting the guidance I need to incorporate them into my body..... because of this, I've started studying more pole/and aerial style classes. For one, the classes are smaller, the warm up is similar to a regular dance class, and the teachers tend to be more nurturing. Even so, this is all new to me and in some of the INTRO or Open level classes I have found that SOME of the teachers have little patience to fix the weaker students form or help them specifically with a problem we are having that maybe the rest of the class is not having. I also wonder if certain teachers think that because I am an adult...I have no chance of doing this professionally...hence who cares if I get better?

I guess I'm writing this post because I feel that a teacher...especially a dance teacher in my case, has the ability to change someone's life. Make them feel good! Help them grow into a stronger/better human being! When a teacher takes a moment to spot me while I do a handstand or push my hip down into the right position when I'm in ala second...it is the best feeling in the world because in that moment I KNOW I am doing something right, thus improving! Maybe I'm too old to do this professionally, maybe i'm not! But if I can climb a pole....why can't I conquer the world?

Tonya Harding of Musical Theatre

After today I've decided that I'm the Tonya Harding of Musical Theatre. NO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT BREAKING SOMEONES KNEE CAP! Just watched a Tonya Harding documentary on Netflix and I related! She was kinda this bigger, non graceful skater that did some amazing things but when it really came time to BRING IT....she failed. Also, one time a judge criticized her costume and she screamed back at the judge: THEN YOU PAY FOR A BETTER COSTUME! That's what I want to scream at auditions! YOU PAY FOR MY DANCE CLASSES, YOU PAY FOR MY VOICE LESSONS, YOU PAY FOR ACTING CLASSES, YOU PAY FOR MY HAIR STYLIST, YOU PAY FOR MY CLOTHES!!!!!!! 

I left a dance call today without even trying! What's worse is that I sabotoged myself by not bringing a dress for other auditions going on in the same building that I coulda gone to. I got all dolled up, put on the tan fishnets.....but when I got to the studio and saw the 200 other girls and realized I hadn't had a single tap class in 5 years....and haven't studied tap in 15....I left! I know I'm capable of doing the choreography in the show because I saw it on Broadway 10 years ago and I thought "I can do that choreography".......but like Tonya Harding I just had too much going against me and I quit before I started! 

Freaked out about 2014!

Twas the night before New Years and I realized I barely posted any blogs this year...and 1 thing that has been on my mind the past couple of days is fear for the new year. I am not trying to be negative but...I'm nervous! Tony Robbins says that humans are not happy unless they experience progress. I just had a great year...and I am afraid I will not be able to top it next year and...well...pro-gress. 

This past year I made a good solid middle class living doing ALL fun "actor-y" jobs! I got to work on a web series and I did voice over work for a full length feature film. I topped it all off by getting to perform in an equity show in sunny warm Florida while it was 20 degrees in NYC! I worked my butt off but I also just had a lot of good luck! 

With all other jobs it's easy to move up the ranks...but with acting sometimes the connections you make or the work you do goes nowhere. There's a huge turnaround in casting, or maybe no one will watch the work you've done. You never know where your next job is coming from.

I'm definitely starting off the New Year right! Going on a 10 day cruise with my hubby. When I come back I feel like I am starting from square 1 and have a mountain to climb if I am gonna make 2014 better than 2013! I guess it's time to put my fears aside and just enjoy what I've accomplished to this point, enjoy the moment, and breath!

Two friends that inspire me like crazy!

I haven't written a blog in.....how long? Why? Cause I'm not often inspired to write. So when two of my closest friends not only write their own webseries/screenplay but raise money for it, produce it, and star in it....I have to take a step back and go "whoa!"

First off is Brooke Hoover. My friend Brooke has 2 adorable Pomeranian doggies. She loves them so much she decided to star one of them and all of her closest friends in a little webseries called Pageant Pom Moms (The journey of a Pomeranian, Precious and her loving mom, Rowena to pageant stardom and all the friends, foes and fiascoes they meet along the way!) I haven't had time or money to focus on my craft lately (aka acting) and I feel so lucky and honored to be a part of this show. It's kind of like Curb Your Enthusiasm meets Toddlers and Tiara's and then goes on a double date with Dance Moms. I get to practice my improve skills, my southern accent, and she even wrote in a little singing part for me. The show will be airing online in a few months and for all the latest updates and information you can check out the site:

http://www.pageantpommom.com/index.html

like the facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/PageantPomMom

or follow on twitter: https://twitter.com/pageantpommom

Next up is my dear friend Jeffrey Johns. About...3 years ago I'm talking to Jeffrey on the phone and he says to me "Laurie...I'm not very castable...I think I need to write my own movie." In my head I'm thinking "Yeah Jeffrey, whatever, you do that!" A few months later I get a phone call from Jeff again "Laurie, I'm in the middle of writing my screenplay and I shared it with some industry people and they think it's good!" Ok Jeffrey...mmm hmm. Next I get a call: "Laurie, my screenplay is complete and I just took a 2nd mortgage out on my home and borrowed $100,000 from the bank to produce it with." Shit Jeffrey! And finally I get a call "Laurie! Lee Meriwether and Sally Struthers are on board to appear in my film!".....well, finally after many more crazy phonecalls from Jeffrey he has a completed preview of his film: 

 

 

I don't live in Los Angeles so I was unable to appear in it but that didn't stop Jeffrey from including me! I did some voice over work from across the country. I also had a small featured role in his NYC pickup shots.

Jeffrey has put everything on the line for Waiting in the Wings the Musical and I believe in him so much! You can donate any amount of money to the film ($1-$100,000.00) at his crowdfunding campaign:

http://greenlightcrowdfunding.com/view/9/waiting-in-the-wings-the-musical

Visit the website: http://www.waitinginthewingsthemusical.com/

Like the films facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffrey.johns2?fref=ts

Or follow on twitter: https://twitter.com/WITW_TheMusical

Both of my friends have proven to me that perseverance and hard work pay off and we can make anything we want to happen...happen!

 

2012....Rough Start...Great Finish!

I just read my New Years Blog from last year! I am a great believer that if you put things out into the Universe you have a tendency to accomplish them and I wanted to know what...if anything...I had accomplished from last year.

 

Goal #1: Get AFTRA medical insurance. DONE! I did it...but I may lose it for next year unless I earn about $6,000 through AFTRA contracts by late February. Nothing is impossible...but it's kinda sucky I'm in this position. There was a union merge this year that promised to combine SAG/AFTRA and make medical insurance more attainable. So far the merge has had the opposite effect on my career. It's harder to book work. More competition! Hopefully in the New Year things will settle down. People will drop out of the biz (I already know 3 people that bought their AFTRA cards so that they could be SAG that couldn't handle the competition and either moved away or stopped acting.) And I will requalify for insurance!

 

Goal #2: Lose 10 pounds. OK....I lost about 5! That's 5 solid pounds. I also started toning more on a regular basis and I'm beggining to see more definition in my arms. There are things in my diet that I've completely changed. I have not had a drop of coffee in 5 months. I haven't had any chicken or meat either. My workouts are strong but WHITE SUGAR remains my evil enemy! This year I will continue to conquer my sugar cravings and decrease my portions! 120 is my goal weight and I'm about 132 right now. 

 

Goal #3: Take more acting/musical theater/dance classes. I took a few dance classes in the later half of the year. I found a teacher I love in FL who will hopefully be teaching in NYC soon! In the meantime I have a partner in crime with my girlfriend Jenn to take class at BDC. Money was tight this entire year and I never felt comfortable spending the $200 + on an acting class. I hope to have the disposable income this year, and the time, to just sign up for a class. It's hard to feel like an actress when you are so out of practice!

 

Goal #4: Get a commercial agent and start auditioning. Epic failure on this one. I didn't even try! Must continue trying in the New Year.

 

Goal #5: Do a forearm stand center floor in Yoga. I still can only do this one at the wall. I was in FL for 2 months and their were no yoga classes at the gym I went to...but I could have worked on this goal alone. Recently I found a very hands on teacher in NYC and I hope to continue taking her class on a regular basis and get this forearm stand DOWN!

 

Goal #6: Get a performance job on a cruise ship. I put a lot of energy into this goal and went to every single Disney Cruise audition this year. I always felt like a I did a great job (I am a huge critic of myself...so if I say that...I mean it!) Finally, at about my 10th audition the CD pulled me over after the audition and told me "Thanks for coming, you always do a great job, but I have no openings for anyone your height.".......This dream isn't dead yet, but most definitely needs to be refocused. I need to work harder on my dancing....and of course...my body. I also need to continue improving my voice!

Goal #7: Pay off my high interest student loan. I have about $400 left in that loan. I think it was at about $2,000 last year. I keep throwing money at it but it won't go away! At least....even if I make the minimum payments this year....it will be paid off! 

 

So...I sorta accomplished some of my 2012 New Years resolutions. The year started off slow, I didn't work a lot, I had no money, I went brunette...but in September I booked my first equity show in FL. I was able to perform for 2 months in a great production with amazing people. December was filled with auditions, fun background jobs, and a wonderful Christmas with my boyfriend. I'm blonde again, I'm motivated, and I'm ready for 2013!

It's The Last Day Of The Show Y'all!

For the last 2 months I have been in Jacksonville, FL working in my first equity show: The Yeston/Kopit version of Phantom. This has been an amazing experience and it all winds down today. As an un-established actress, whenever a job ends...it feels that it may be the last time you ever work. I have no job prospects and I am not sure how I will support myself when I return home...so I am leaving here with a heavy heart. As much as I claim to love NYC, after being here in Jacksonville for 2 months I realize that as long as I'm performing...I can be happy anywhere. In memorial to JAX, this is what I will miss: 1.) Getting together with long lost highschool friend: Lea Klein. 2.) Visiting with Sesame Street friends when their tour comes through town. 3.) Joe's Crab Shack. 4.) Ponte Vedra Fitness Center...It's a horrible unorganized gym BUT it has wifi throughout allowing for long cardio sessions while watching Desperate Housewives/Gifted Man/and Weeds on Netflix. 5.) The Beach. 6.) Warm FL weather (even though it's kinda cold right now.) 7.) Southern accents. 8.) A daily schedule. 9.) Making a living as an actress. 

Tomorrow we start a road trip back to NYC, but first: It's the last day of the show y'all:-(

Life isn't fair?

My whole life, whenever I whine about something or complain...people, specifically family members always comment: "Life isn't fair!"

This morning I was listening to a podcast entitled Patricia Raskin's positive living, and she was interviewing a man named Derek Rydall. Derek said something that really rang true to me and it was: Everything that happens to you in life is completely fair because it is to help you evolve into a better being. 

For example: My arthritis in my butt.....seems so unfair! It prevented me from touring with Sesame Street one year and causes me a tremendous amount of pain. BUT, it has helped me evolve into a stronger person. Because of my butt problems I went back to college, got a degree, started to eat healthier, do yoga on a regular basis, met Gary, appreciate my ability to dance so much more, and who knows what other good things that I don't even realize have happened to me? 

Next time someone you know says: "It's not fair!" Don't say: "Life isn't fair!"....talk about why it IS fair instead!

Oh, and this Derek Rydall fella wrote a book. Check it out:

http://www.amazon.com/Theres-Business-Like-Soul-Screenwriting/dp/B006CDSTU2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340109792&sr=8-1&keywords=There%27s+no+business+like+soul+business

ON BEING FIRED!

I just got fired from my cocktail waitressing job of 3 weeks! No specific reason was given. I worked in a theater and the show sales have not been that good and the house has been rather empty so they most likely didn't need all of us. But the negative part of me is screaming: "You got fired because you are an epic failure!" I must admit I am not the best cocktail waitress. For one, I don't really drink often...so when people ask about different alcohols...I just stare back at them cluelessly. Also, when handling peoples credit cards and money I tend to go super slow on the computer so as not to charge someone for something they didn't purchase. But, I was always early for my shifts and offered to help out with the bar setup etc. I am glad I do not have to go back to this job and push something I do not believe in on people. But I don't know how I am going to pay my upcoming bills. And I can't help but have a bruised and damaged ego. 

I have been listening to a lot of Joel Osteen lately. He is a preacher. I am not religious but I think Joel is an extremely positive person and I like what he has to say. I know that for this situation he would say: "Do NOT put a question mark where God has put a period." Meaning, stop asking "Why?" The point is, I was fired. I learned from this job that I despise waitressing...even in a theater setting. I was inspired by the performers I saw and that is what I am taking from this experience. Period. Time to move on to the next.