I am here but I'm supposed to be THERE!

I feel like I've been run over by a tractor trailor, 2 trains, and a Porsche. Yesterday I had a 6am calltime for background work in Montauk Point. Despite my best efforts I only got about 3 hours of sleep. I took the job in Montauk because I thought the extra driving time would allow for me to work on my singing voice, go over exercises, and learn new songs (by repetition.) But I couldn't even move a muscle driving there or back for fear of falling a sleep at the wheel. I just slept 11 hours and I have another job today in the city that I must start preparing for in a bit. I still have big dreams of being a Broadway singer...but my voice is not nearly strong enough and I am not nearly brave enough to make that dream a reality right now. I keep having fantasies of having the opportunity to do nothing but sing/dance/and act for 6 months straight and coming out the person I know exists inside somewhere. She just needs a chance to study! Really study without interruption! With people that believe in her! That was what $40,000 worth of college was supposed to be...and did not happen for me. Being in this debt has pulled me further away from my dreams as I feel that I am nothing but a mean lean background working machine. I haven't even been able to get it together to take 1 On Camera Acting Workshop. I have a new idea for a REALITY TV show. It should be called "I'm Running Out Of Time." It can be a little bit like the MTV show "Made" but instead of teenagers, take 30+ adults that are pursuing careers in the arts that have a trillion distractions elsewhere, and pay for them to go through a boot camp in their field that allows for them to just focus on THEM. Get them the teachers/support they need to make their dreams come true, and see what happens. I bet it would be the most highly rated TV show ever because unless you're Sutton Foster or Natalie Portman....I'm sure you can relate!