Birthday Blue's

I have the birthday blue's. Yesterday was my birthday and while I spent it doing what I wanted to do (working on set making money) and recieved some very generous gifts from friends and family, and of course, my boyfriend (who went above and beyond the gift giving requirenments)...I feel depressed. I didn't book any work for today and I opted out of going to an open call for 9-5 because I believe the character I am best suited for is Doralee, but after seeing Megan Hilty perform a bunch of times on set yesterday...I feel unworthy of even attempting to portray any character she ever played! Now that I'm 32, I should be feeling better about my talent. Instead, I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life. My last year of college was a complete joke. I barely practiced my craft. In addition, I paid out thousands of dollars that, had I not gone back to college, I would have been able to use for dance/singing/acting classes...or surviving, so I wouldn't have to work this hard at stupid, unreliable, unpredictable, depressing background work! Of course, I'm still grateful I do that over waiting tables or work an office job. I just wish I knew in advance my work schedule! I have no social life. I feel important friendships slipping away. I never get enough sleep. I feel like shit! I had the last bite of my organic Wholefoods birthday cake for breakfast. Time to cleanse now. I am taking the day off! Going to get back on track with everything! I'm thinking of possibly even whipping my juicer out of storage and going on a partial juice fast. Yesterday, when I was at my lowest, my boyfriend looked me in the eye and said: "Maybe you should just quit if you feel this bad." I may feel awful about myself...but what if I did quit? What if I gave up a life trying to persue the arts and took an office job, teaching job, retail job....? What then? I can't even imagine not doing this so I'm hopping back on the treadmill of pursuit right now!